Posted by: Evan on July 22, 2009
disclaimer: any names used are fictional!
on my mind......social networks in relation to my fantasy of one day having a love life.
So, needless to say. I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm sure a few of you are rolling your eyes right now and that's because you may know me well enough to have acquired the knowledge that I keep my little achy breaky heart protected very very well by about 2 million layers of shields, shells, and bank quality vault's to ensure I don't get crushed on a daily basis. The proud walking contradiction that I am really presents itself fully in my live when it comes to romance & love.
Deep down we all hope for that fairy tale scenario of meeting the person of our dreams, being swept off our feet and falling madly in love(white picket fences, kids, bath towels with initials, all of it).... but experience has unfortunately, at least for the time being, made me a cynic who hides from the risks of it all in the deep dark shadows of my art. although "Pumpkin Pie" gives me hope daily! The good news is that regardless of the outcome, I'm starting to realize that our new web 2.0 friend has brought a whole new twist into the equation via social networking. 5 years ago when a girl broke my heart and changed her number I could only keep tabs on her via friends of friends or cousins to make sure she wasn't happier without me! and on those rare occasions when she'd seemingly vanish from the earth forever I'd be left to my own devices and concoct some ET version or her and I in the movie "serendipity"...the truth is she probably just changed her number, moved on and could care less..its me who is the freak. whatever....
anyway, along come these social sites: facebook, myspace, twitter, bla bla, bla bla..... and now I can torment myself daily with the "i wonder what shannon is up to" and actually find a pretty solid conclusion in a matter of moments! this changes the ENTIRE game. Here I am, part of me greatly enjoying stumbling across the shocking knowledge of things like "holy shit dude.....jenna is a lesbian?" (true story, the facebook pictures tell it all...she was actually married, then split, and now in love again and you know what, I'm stoked for her!) but the other part of me feeling disappointed in the vanishing of mystery. I mean, perfect example is a girl I dated from san deigo, it didn't work out, i liked her a lot(never hit love) and now I'd love to pick her brains about why(I'm like cusac in "high fidelity") or even just see what she's up to but NO, my friendship request is still "pending". while I enjoy connecting all these wild make believe dots in my head about aliens, fathers, and other issues I fear that soon enough she'll accept the request, I'll look her page up and down, say to myself "oh, she's normal, we just weren't right, now I'm bored"
pause, breath.
I dunno where I left off.............
right, more effects of SNs on my (our) lovelife. yes I love knowing what all my xs are doing, what they look like, who went on to wed, get pregnant(my high school sweetheart just had a baby!! thanks FB) or live alone in misery(still waiting on this actually), I mean the newsfeeds can basically act as a stock ticker of "HAHAHAHAHA SHE's SOOOO HAPPY, LOOOK AT HER< YOU IDIOT< YOU MADE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE" which adds to the self loath of your favorite intimacy adverse semi self conscious narcissist(a.k.a : me) But it is very suspenseful to search them and click that little "info" button and wait anxiously to see "in a relationship" and watch your heart sink. go find me a friday night activity that beats that!
well, how about some good things. on one side, I can't explain how many first dates I've saved myself with just one 5 minute stalk session of someone's profile...RIGHT??? It's like, you meet someone, they've got a vibe, you're kinda into them, so you do what any normal person does which is google, facebook, and myspace them. within 5 minutes I've usually gone "oh... they're not as cute as they are in their starbucks outfit" or "oh dude, she's got a cat? I'm allergic, this isn't gonna work" oh oh this one "a smoker???? you're kidding me...." but then again at the same time I've become rather self conscious that my female counterparts and potential partners in crime are doing the same thing to me and hence making a snap decision about my potential in a relationship because they must think all I do is eat stone mill bakery and give away ipod shuffles.
oh oh oh and now even if you get IN a relationship there's all kinds of issues about like "why'd you write on her wall" or "babe, you wanna tell me why the F*ck Johnny @replied you?" and all the in between insanity that happens now in the realm of online flirting, cheating, scandal and misunderstanding. a shrink once told me "text messaging will be the death of relationships" and I think she had a very very good point. One misworded status update could start world war 3. get tagged in the wrong photo and you could be single by dinner! It's like reliving the cuban missile crisis every day but there are no cigars or good looking kennedys
how bout you ponder this for a second: tweeters can't be cheaters! think about it for a minute you scandal making mofo's.... inconsistencies will get you in BIG trouble. lucky for me I've never cheated! but, I have been caught in a few very very tricky predicaments in my non-romantic sphere by tweets come back to haunt me! just sayin....lookout!
like a balloon deflating there is hardly air left in this love filled rant and I'm about to go on tour (which is why I decided not to follow up with 2 really nice sweet people I'd met this month who could have potentially sucked me out of the hiding place I've been in since valentines day)....sometime's I think I'm supposed to laugh and cry all at once, maybe in the next chapter, I'll get the picket fence and mortgage, or whatever I'll be alone and just e-stalk my way through it! stay tuned to find out...
-Evan
p.s- if you're out there and reading this and you're my soulmate please @reply me
[EDITORS NOTE: about an hour after posting this I was notified by my x-girlfriend that we were no longer to be facebook friends]